Trauma is stored in the body and the nervous system. The brain has evolved an efficient system for creating protective mechanisms the moment it perceives a threat. There are parts of the brain that are constantly scanning the environment to detect danger, and they work faster than the processing power of the more logical/conscious parts of the brain. Most people have experienced a fight, flight or freeze response to a threatening situation at least a few times in their life. If someone has experienced trauma, they will often notice a heightened sensitivity to threat (real or perceived) that will cause their bodies/nervous systems to go into protection mode (fight, flight or freeze). Because these responses are not always reflective of what is actually happening in the present moment, it can cause a lot of distress, particularly for people in intimate relationships.  

People with trauma histories who are in relationships might often feel out of control or "hijacked" when triggered. It is especially frustrating because they know that the trigger is irrational, without evidence, or seems completely miniscule. The fight/flight/freeze response in a relationship can look like emotional outbursts, testing their partner, shutting/down, going numb, etc. Afterwards, there is often a lot of shame for not being able to control behavior and fear about damaging the relationship beyond repair. These reactions aren’t signs of brokenness; they are signs that the body/brain/nervous system has been working hard to protect you. 

My approach to healing trauma that impacts relationships is combining bottom up approaches (working with the nervous system and unconscious parts of the brain through EMDR) with top-down approaches (working with the conscious/logical areas of the brain through Internal Family Systems, coping skills, behavioral experiments/strategies) to help the body/brain/nervous system reclaim safety, calm and control, and support secure attachment.

EMDR Therapy

EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing) is a powerful, research-backed therapy that helps people heal from trauma and other overwhelming life experiences. Unlike traditional talk therapy, EMDR helps your brain reprocess difficult memories so they no longer feel as distressing, intrusive, or “stuck".

EMDR is for anyone who feels burdened by past experiences or has strong emotional reactions that seem hard to control. It is especially supportive if you:

• Have experienced trauma, loss, or abuse

• Struggle with anxiety, panic, or intrusive thoughts

• Feel stuck in old patterns or negative self-beliefs (“I’m not safe,” “I’m not good enough”)

• React strongly to situations that remind you of the past, even if you you don’t fully understand why

How EMDR Works:

In EMDR, we identify a memory, emotion, belief, or body sensation that feels difficult. While you hold this experience in mind, I will guide you through bilateral stimulation, which are gentle left-right movements such as eye movements, tapping, or alternating tones.

These rhythmic patterns help your brain process the memory more effectively, similar to what naturally happens during REM sleep. As this processing unfolds:

• the memory becomes less emotionally charged

• the body’s stress response softens

• new, more adaptive beliefs begin to take hold

You will still remember what happened, but it will no longer feel as raw, overwhelming, or defining.

Over time, people often report feeling calmer, more grounded, and better able to see themselves and their experiences with compassion and perspective.

Internal Family Systems (IFS) "Parts Work"

You might sometimes notice that a "part" of you wants or feels something, and another "part" might want or feel the exact opposite. These parts might cause internal confusion or even conflict. Some parts of us are qualities we really like about ourselves, or they get positive feedback from colleagues and partners. Other parts might feel very extreme, not "like us" at all, and cause destruction in our lives. 

In Internal Family Systems, the underlying assumption is that there is a core "self" that is creative, confident, compassionate, and untouched by trauma. I like to compare it to that silent "witness" part of us talked about in Buddhism and yogic philosophy. Surrounding that core self are all sorts of parts that have come about through different times and experiences in our lives.  These "parts" work hard to protect us from pain and feeling significant emotional wounds caused by trauma. Another key tenant of IFS is that there are no "bad" parts. They are just trying to help. I love this because it is so anti-pathological, and I believe in it strongly from my experience in working with trauma.

Most parts are functional. They manage our day-to-day lives, and engage in behaviors such as planning, controlling, caretaking, pleasing, etc. Other parts are called "firefighters" - these are the ones that take over when the "managers" aren't working. These tend to be more extreme and are often why people who have a trauma background seek therapy. Firefighters can be self-harm, emotional outbursts, shutting down, panic, substance use, etc. Then there are the exiles - the parts of us that hold trauma and feel like grief, rage, shame, etc. that we cast away from our conscious mind because of the pain associated with them.  

Through parts work, we can untangle and get to know the different parts of you and help soothe them so that can become less extreme and cause less suffering for you. We can help them to work together and not against each other or against you.  Oftentimes, when the wound is healed, people find that their protective parts are free to engage in more productive pursuits. In other words, significant psychic and emotional energy is free to go elsewhere, where you direct it, rather than being consumed by efforts to protect your system from re-experiencing the traumatic wound. People start feeling more in control of their lives, and less controlled by "symptoms". 

How do I work with you for Trauma?

I would be happy to support you. I offer 50-minute standard psychotherapy sessions, as well as 10-session packages for trauma that include 50 and 70 minute sessions.